she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Randomize
