I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Randomize
