I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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