Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
