Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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