i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
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