dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
