Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
Randomize
