First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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