Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
Randomize
