i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
Randomize
