it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize
