just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Randomize
