No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
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