Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Randomize
