She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
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