Well apparently he's into motor boating.
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
Randomize
