My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
