you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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