I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
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