I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
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