Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
