i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Randomize
