girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
