a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
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