but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Randomize