You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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