he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
Randomize
