i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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