my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
Randomize
