Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
