i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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