Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Randomize