i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Randomize
