I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
