Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
Randomize
