Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
