You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize