I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
We just shotgunned beers for America
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
