I can't watch pbs sober anymore
areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
My dick has a subreddit
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
Randomize
