pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
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