you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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