i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Randomize
