is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
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