I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
