bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
Randomize
