just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
bring money and cleavage
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
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