my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
Randomize
