I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
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