You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
