Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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