Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Randomize
