Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
