there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
