12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
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