You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
Randomize
