She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Randomize
