I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Randomize
