is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
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