i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
Randomize