About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
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