You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
Randomize
