Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Randomize
