Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
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