when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Randomize