Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
Randomize
