I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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