Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
