I'm going to rape someone's good day.
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Randomize
