In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
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