I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
Randomize
