So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize